To mark Baby Loss Awareness Week, I am going to share a very personal story with you. My own experience of baby loss is what put me on the road to where I am today. I do not write this with the intention of pulling your heartstrings, but it’s only fair to give a trigger warning before you start.
I was heartbroken when they told me at 11 weeks that my pregnancy was no longer viable. At the hospital they were so kind and helpful but I was numb with shock. I had suspected something wasn’t right but had tried to carry on at work until my body finally shouted loud that there was a problem. By time I got to the hospital I knew in my heart that it wasn’t good news.
“I can see a baby [pause] but I can’t see a heartbeat I am afraid”
Sitting here now, I remember it clearly and I remember how I felt, but I don’t feel those feelings anymore. I went on to have another baby and I would never swap him for all that heartache. But it took me a long time to process. I visited doctors who had no answers and homeopaths who also had no answers but what they did have ways of helping me process my grief.
Then I visited an acupuncturist. I had heard it was good for fertility and I just wanted to be pregnant again. During one session she put a needle somewhere into my back and a yelped in pain.
“What was that?!” I asked.
“Your heart” she answered.
So there you go. I had a broken heart, and not a broken womb as I thought. I hadn’t got around to telling my work so the privacy of my grief was making me squash it down. Part of me liked pretending I was OK, but I did need to acknowledge the hurt in my heart to move on. Allowing that grief was the kindness I needed to offer myself at that time.
But did you see the language that I used describing what happened? I mention (a little deliberately, I admit) heartbroken, heartbeat, “I knew in my heart”, heartache.
I wanted to point this out because when you come to see me, I listen intently to the way that you describe what has happened to you.
Holistically, imbalances mostly come from an emotional place. By tracking it back there and listening to your language, you tune in to the way the mind has wound itself up in the trauma. And there lies the key to unwinding it.
I did take a remedy which has an affinity for the heart in the end. Sometimes, if the feelings pop up, I take it again. But on the whole I don’t need it anymore. This discovery, my return to well-being, and my subsequent pregnancy led me on a journey to study homeopathy and other therapies. I realised that trauma needs to be treated as a whole and that, even the subtle way that people explain what pains them is enormously important to the way that they heal.
If this is interesting to you then you are welcome to have a no obligation chat with me about whether we could work together. I work a lot with knackered mums and their hormones as this is where my special interest lies. Do get in touch if you think I can help you.